Witnessing a strong generation of girls/women in Today's India
I have been getting exposed to a very interesting kind of search these days - Suitable match for my brother!
I have grown up witnessing so many arranged marriages around me that I had never imagined it would be so difficult to find a match for someone in a country like India. You see, there are over 25 million young people (between the age 18 and 32 or so) in this country. Maharashtra is one of the states where the boy-girl ratio is not so bad (907 girls for every 1000 boys born is what I heard recently); Maharashtra is also a state where girls are quite well educated (at least 1 degree or SSC/HSC certificate + some vocational courses) and there is a vast number of urban middle class population.
Still, it is not the case that we have a lot of choice! Are we missing something? Are we expecting too less or too much? Are we targetting the wrong market? I wonder how we should really tackle this situation.
There are a set of observations that I can note down while going through the process of calling the girl's relatives, exchaning basic info and just waiting to hear more from the other side after the initial talk:
1. In a typical Maharashtrian urban middle class family (mostly brahmins), girls have started paying more attention to studies, extra activities and overall personal growth. In a family with multiple children, girls tend to be more focussed on studies during their teen age and early twenties. Even if they are not putting in more than a couple of hours in studies, they seem to be able to manage the juggling between academics, sports/hobbies, housework, reading, TV, general gossip and basically having fun!
2. If you look at the same age group of boys, I wonder if they are as focussed. While a 10th standard girl is studying in her house at 5 pm in the evening, you will find her male classmate either roaming around her house or playing outside or generally passing time outside! This may not be true in every case. But that is my observation.
3. Since girls manage more things in the same given time, their confidence, self esteem and behavior in public is different than boys of same age group. Boys who are confident may be managing multiple things during the day, but their interests are different; expectations of the family from boys are totally different than those from a girl.
4. Girls can do everything that boys can do plus some more! This phenomenon is like a two-edged sword from my point of view. Since girls can really manage a lot of things at the same time, they demand equal rights: equal remuneration at work, equal treatment at home and work, equal personal space and obviously equal respect! But, unfortunately, India has still a very long way to go to achieve this. In a typical Maharashtrian family, girls are still expected to be within limits when it comes to having friends, going out, talking on the phone etc.
As the only girl child in a multi-children family and later as a parent of a boy and a girl, I have been struggling to assert my rights and later act as a fairly unbiased parent. But I can assure you both the things are quite difficult :)
Even though I used to assert my right of equal treatment from my parents and family , when it comes to bringing up my children, I am biased towards the boy! He is discounted in so many things! I know this is bad, but I need to work on making him realize his own responsibilities.
I hope my daughter learns to be even stronger in spite of the bias that we all show against her! :)
Some points to consider for the upcoming generation:
1. Make all the children in the family realize the importance of team work! In a family where both spouses are working or have to work because of financial responsibilities, everyone has to chip in and make it easy for others. There is no such thing as "his chores" and "her chores"!
2. Talk to your children on all kinds of subjects from an early age. Share your experiences from work place, try to understand their opinions about certain issues or situations. Provide different scenarios to them and ask them how they would go about handling them.
3. Lead by example. If parents show mutual respect, children will automatically learn to respect.
4. When they start thinking too high about themselves, bring them down at the very moment. Teach humility. This is true in case of boys as well as girls.
5. Be mentally ready to handle a bunch of strong girls/women around you! :) Try to have a sense of humour, but at the same time be careful while making gender specific jokes!
As far as finding a suitable match for a male family member is concerned, looks like we will have to keep on trying until we all agree on certain terms and the girl's family also finds us suitable.
I have grown up witnessing so many arranged marriages around me that I had never imagined it would be so difficult to find a match for someone in a country like India. You see, there are over 25 million young people (between the age 18 and 32 or so) in this country. Maharashtra is one of the states where the boy-girl ratio is not so bad (907 girls for every 1000 boys born is what I heard recently); Maharashtra is also a state where girls are quite well educated (at least 1 degree or SSC/HSC certificate + some vocational courses) and there is a vast number of urban middle class population.
Still, it is not the case that we have a lot of choice! Are we missing something? Are we expecting too less or too much? Are we targetting the wrong market? I wonder how we should really tackle this situation.
There are a set of observations that I can note down while going through the process of calling the girl's relatives, exchaning basic info and just waiting to hear more from the other side after the initial talk:
1. In a typical Maharashtrian urban middle class family (mostly brahmins), girls have started paying more attention to studies, extra activities and overall personal growth. In a family with multiple children, girls tend to be more focussed on studies during their teen age and early twenties. Even if they are not putting in more than a couple of hours in studies, they seem to be able to manage the juggling between academics, sports/hobbies, housework, reading, TV, general gossip and basically having fun!
2. If you look at the same age group of boys, I wonder if they are as focussed. While a 10th standard girl is studying in her house at 5 pm in the evening, you will find her male classmate either roaming around her house or playing outside or generally passing time outside! This may not be true in every case. But that is my observation.
3. Since girls manage more things in the same given time, their confidence, self esteem and behavior in public is different than boys of same age group. Boys who are confident may be managing multiple things during the day, but their interests are different; expectations of the family from boys are totally different than those from a girl.
4. Girls can do everything that boys can do plus some more! This phenomenon is like a two-edged sword from my point of view. Since girls can really manage a lot of things at the same time, they demand equal rights: equal remuneration at work, equal treatment at home and work, equal personal space and obviously equal respect! But, unfortunately, India has still a very long way to go to achieve this. In a typical Maharashtrian family, girls are still expected to be within limits when it comes to having friends, going out, talking on the phone etc.
As the only girl child in a multi-children family and later as a parent of a boy and a girl, I have been struggling to assert my rights and later act as a fairly unbiased parent. But I can assure you both the things are quite difficult :)
Even though I used to assert my right of equal treatment from my parents and family , when it comes to bringing up my children, I am biased towards the boy! He is discounted in so many things! I know this is bad, but I need to work on making him realize his own responsibilities.
I hope my daughter learns to be even stronger in spite of the bias that we all show against her! :)
Some points to consider for the upcoming generation:
1. Make all the children in the family realize the importance of team work! In a family where both spouses are working or have to work because of financial responsibilities, everyone has to chip in and make it easy for others. There is no such thing as "his chores" and "her chores"!
2. Talk to your children on all kinds of subjects from an early age. Share your experiences from work place, try to understand their opinions about certain issues or situations. Provide different scenarios to them and ask them how they would go about handling them.
3. Lead by example. If parents show mutual respect, children will automatically learn to respect.
4. When they start thinking too high about themselves, bring them down at the very moment. Teach humility. This is true in case of boys as well as girls.
5. Be mentally ready to handle a bunch of strong girls/women around you! :) Try to have a sense of humour, but at the same time be careful while making gender specific jokes!
As far as finding a suitable match for a male family member is concerned, looks like we will have to keep on trying until we all agree on certain terms and the girl's family also finds us suitable.
posted by Pratima | 3:45 AM
|
1 comments
